Weddings, Weddings Everywhere!

Tis wedding season, and I have gone to many this year. Weddings used to be fun once upon a time when I was a wee lil child, but they slowly turned torturous when the Aunties of the community decided to hassle me about finding a boy. For those of you, who are wondering who these "Aunties" are, first off, they are NOT related to me in any way but the fact that we are both east indian and female. They usually are the older, married women in the community who make it their business to get into yours (or any "eligible" person for that matter) and grill you until you feel like screaming. Ahhhhhhhhhh! Ok, now that I got that out of my system lets get back to all this Aunty Smanty talk.

I've had to endure years of their interogating me about why I'm not married, who would I like to marry, and can they introduce me to their nice, good desi boy son/nephew or any other "eligible" guy that they so deem would be peeeerfect for you. I usually retort with some wise comeback or just laugh it off.

But this last wedding I went to a few weeks back, was definitely different. Aunties were there in drones..but gone were the questions. Weirdly enough, I think they've given up on me..either that, or they think I'm lesbian. Which I'm not..but thats besides the point. In their minds, any girl who's "held out" on the marriage bandwagon past the mid 20's, is intelligent and is decent looking MUST have something wrong with her. Why else wouldn't she be married?

I feel that the constant pressure in the desi community to get married lessens the value of learning about yourself and figuring out what you really want in life..or who you want for that matter. I'm not the person I was 5 yrs ago or even 2 yrs ago. People change and life is dynamic. If I would have gotten hitched at 25, the type of guy I would have chosen would have been a lot different than my ideal man for today. I know a lot of people who've given into the pressure and married young only to realize the person sleeping next to them is someone who isn't really compatible.

But when you're young, you're not looking for Mr Stability Man, you're looking for Mr Spontaneous, Mr Harlequin Romance, or Mr. Live for Today. You don't know who you are well enough to make that type of huge decision. Now I'm probably going to get flack for this, because I'm sure there are tons of 20-24 yr olds who are going to say that it worked for them. I'm not trying to say that marrying young will never work. All I'm saying is that how you perceive life and people is different when you're young compared to when you're a senior citizen like myself:)

I was talking to some of my other friends dealing with the same problem. We're above average in looks, well educated, mentally stable (well at least thats what our shrinks tell us!). So why can't we find a decent desi guy? As an Indian woman, I find that as we age, we lower our standards in a mate. Also, the eligible pool of guys gets cut down a lot. We become these older, mature women who seemingly have it all but can't find anyone to share it with.

For guys though, they can age to their hearts delight. The Aunty syndrome doesn't usually inflict them as bad. They probably get immunized when they're born. They can explore their 20's and even go into their 30's knowing that they'll find someone..sooner or later. They can thoroughly invest time in building up a great career without the lingering thought that the longer they wait the less girls there will be for them. Actually, all the Aunties and Uncles would be thrilled if some independent, financially stable dude in his 30's decided to marry their 24 yr old daughter. For us women though, if we were the 30 something marrying the 20 something..we'd be the rumour mills latest target. Ooooooooooh..taboo!

I'm not even sure us late 20's, early-mid 30's crowd appeal to them anymore. Are we too independant? Will we not just deal with their flaws like so many younger chicks will? Are we not satisfied with just a mediocre way or being treated? I'm not sure, but one male friend of mine said that the younger women are definitely more compromising and are eager to please. Just get a dog then why don't you?! Plus, oh here's the kicker.. they have more childbearing years on them. Ok, so when did being barefoot and pregnant go on the top 10 list for qualities a desi guy wants? Just because we're older doesn't mean we can't have kids!!

I think us MDC (Mature Desi Chicks) are left scrambling for whatever's left of the older guys, feeling desperate and willing to settle at times while the men can "afford" to act like jerks..cuz time isnt' that huge of a factor to them...so if they lose us, we can be easily replaced. Ah! Why is there such a double standard???

Oh well, thats my $0.02. Hopefully noone is taking this as some feminist spheil. All I'm trying to say is there are huge double standards in our community..no ifs, ands or butts about it!