The Rules..For Finding The Desi Man Of Your Dreams!!

Hello All..tis Friday and I thought what better way to start the weekend then to post my blog with some advice for all us Desi "Serially Single" Chicks.

I came across this article (written by a Ms. Roxanna Kassam whose writing totally rocks!) and cut and paste the essentials of it. Its about the quest to find the Modern Desi Dude and the key points we should all be on the lookout for.Yes, a guy who is normal, mentally stable (no asylum history here girls), and over the typical women/men stereotype B.S. we have to deal with..which basically translates to him not acting like a Neanderthal about equality!!Its funny, its direct and hopefully it will help us find a man! (am I sounding a wee bit desperate? Well I guess singledom is getting to this girl).

Enjoy & hope it helps someone out there .That is, before she ends up with a greasy haired Indian dude who smells like some "curry gone bad" fiasco..screaming like a caveman for his woman to make him some rotis. Ah, I shudder at the thought! Ugh.

After reading this if you know a guy like this..puuuuh lease either keep him or otherwise FedEx his Butt to me!


1.He doesn't live with his mother. Of all the women I polled, this was by far the most popular answer. We tended to agree with Noreen Banerji from "(D)evolution"—many South Asian men are still tied to their mother's apron strings and expect you to carry on the dubious honor of setting their alarm clocks at night and making them fresh chillas every morning. The key, my friends agreed, is to find a man who has already been weaned from his mother. "A guy who lives by himself has already learned how to be independent—how to cook his own meals, pay his own bills and clean up after himself," is what my best friend Farah Murji, 29, looked for. Farah has been happily married for a year. "This means that they rely on you less and may actually be happy to do some of those things for you." Amen to that, sister: A boy who is house-trained is a must. As my friend Dewlyn D'Mellow, 26, puts it, "There's a big difference in domestication in guys who've been ripped away from mama's bosom prior to the big day."
And while we're on the topic of mothers, make sure you meet his. Is she a progressive, independent woman who has taught her son strength of character and integrity? Or is she Marie Barone from Everybody Loves Raymond? The difference will be a sure sign of how he expects you to behave in your relationship. If she still spoon-feeds him at dinner, throw down your napkin and run like the wind, girl.


2.He has multi-cultural friends."Having a wide range of friends from different cultures shows that he is not only open to different perspectives, he actually seeks them out," says Rahima Nenshi, 24. "He will probably be more open to new ideas and more apt to change his way of thinking." This means that a desi guy who hangs out with desi guys may just trade the same tired old "wifey" stereotypes, whereas one who spends time with friends of different cultures will collect a host of different perspectives on his ideal partner. So don't just look for the fellas at mybindi.com events; widen your perspective a bit and attend a multicultural gathering or two. If nothing else, it will help turn your attention to the plethora of guys from other cultures.


3.He has gay friends. While multicultural friends are a plus, I find that a man with gay friends is even more important. A guy who is comfortable around gay people is comfortable with his own masculinity, which can be a huge factor in his willingness to take on duties that may be outside the traditional male role. While Trusty Boyfriend did not have gay friends when I met him, he was happy to meet my gay best friend and even comes to gay clubs with us. His acceptance of my friend showed me that he was open to different lifestyles and ways of thinking and that he was secure enough in himself not to be threatened by them. A guy who automatically begins homophobic posturing at the mere mention of a gay relationship, or worse yet, laughs Beavis–and-Butthead style while making inappropriate hand gestures, might not be the most open-minded guy when it comes to transcending traditional male-female roles. Worse yet, you'll spend half the night apologizing for him at parties.


4. He is younger than you. This is a big one, ladies. Do not just discount the perfect man because he may be one or two or 15 years younger than you. (OK, do discount the 15-year-old.) But seriously, younger guys—even by a few years—may possess just what you're looking for. Many women want men who are ten years older than them, well established and making the big bucks. Then they complain when there is a power dynamic. If you don't want the guy to have all the power, stop looking for a guy who commands all of it. Finding a man who is a few years younger than you or is in the same place in his career or schooling immediately evens out the playing field and makes it easier to find flexible solutions to fit both of you. You want him to stay home with the kids? Well, if he's still in school or just starting out, he may be able to swing that. But the 35-year-old bringing in the lion's share of the income? Not so much. Also, older guys have played the field and know what they want, while you still may be figuring it out. By going with a guy who is younger, you are less likely to mold yourself into his expectations of a life partner; instead, you can form your own expectations of the relationship, together. A big plus, even if you have to put up with all those tired "robbing the cradle" jokes.


5.He grew up around women. This was another piece of wisdom my girlfriends unanimously agreed upon. As my best friend Farah points out, "A guy who grew up with women understands their daily trials and tribulations and will be able to relate to you more than a guy who grew up in an all-male household." Since Trusty Boyfriend had women roommates all through university, he understands the subtle variations in the dizzying array of hair straighteners and is not averse to popping by the maxi-pad aisle when I am in need. Newlywed Rishma Govani, 29, praises the desi man who understands the hairy dilemmas of South Asian women everywhere, claiming that "the perfect desi guy knows all about unwanted hair and dutifully reads his Oprah magazine while waiting in the car for his freshly-threaded girlfriend to emerge." The bottom line is, you need to feel comfortable around a guy—and that is much easier when you don't have to hide the Nair in the back of your underwear drawer or save your favorite ratty pajamas for nights when he is out of town.

So take heart, girls: The Evolved Desi Dude may be in hiding, but he is certainly not extinct. All it takes is some concerted searching, keeping in mind the collective wisdom of women who have finally found the perfect desi guy (after years of imperfect ones). So go out there and find him—before the gora girls do.


Well said! Feel free to go comment crazy.