The Price Of Being Too Honest

So, here's the update on the "Playa Guy" (see two posts back for all those going "Huh?"). I guess that little voice called my Intuition saved the day. Though I have had many experiences with my Inner Voice just ending up confusing things more. This time though, I'm glad I took the time to do some introspection and listen.

Player Guy (aka PG..though he was soooo not!) was not a cut and dry case for me. For one thing, I felt besides his past, he had a lot of qualities I'm looking for. He had the secure job, good family, and we got along greatl. But his blunt honesty about his past with women had me wondering. I started thinking..If I've waited this long, do I really want to settle for a Player? But I always give the good a chance before the bad, so I gave him a chance.

We dated for about a week. And then, once again, he decided to tell me everything. I felt like I was a priest and he was in Confession. He had told me about his weekend and how he took some clients at work out for dinner. And how he came home really late. Uh huh. And how they went to a strip club. Okay, A Strip Club..why couldn't you just leave that out. But he went on. I almost felt like he forgot he was talking to a girl he supposedly was interested in, and that we didn't know each other nearly that well for this candid talk. PG then proceeded to tell me how he lost over $900 that night. I secretly was hoping, he was mugged or something, and that's how he lost the money. But Mr Intuition was telling me otherwise. 

PG nonchalantly tells me that he lost it on lap dances. I was silent for a while and then my mind started spinning away thinking about what exactly had to happen for him to spend $900 in a Strip Club. And it wasn't good. Whatever benefit of the doubt I had for him, was slipping away. And so were my thoughts of him being a future husband. I'm a pretty understanding and modern girl..but $900 for lap dances..and you're telling me?!..On the top ten list of dumb things to say to a girl, he definitely was winning. Let's just call it a day, and give him the trophy for Dumb Desi Guy of the Year. I am not the girl to be at a loss for words, but that day, he left me pretty speechless. I didn't know if he expected me to high five him  or slap him. But I'm sure you can tell which one I would have picked.

I could have left it just like that and never called him again. But I'm not one for ending things like that. I had to tell him why. Maybe just to save the next poor girl from dealing with his lack of judgement. It wasn't about him being honest. I'm all for honesty. But I feel when you're first getting to know each other, and you have nothing solid between the two of you, telling a girl you spend mad cash at a Strip Club is not recommended.

He seemed pretty dumbfounded about the whole thing. And went into the whole reformed Player defense and how he's never met anyone like me. But my Intuition was screaming at me to run...run far away!! And that voice was too loud for me to ignore.

It didn't go past that date. But the experience left me feeling confused (and I feel a lot of that lately). I'm not sure if I'm upset that a guy was finally completely honest with me, and I couldn't handle what he had to say. Or if all guys act like that, but don't tell the girls they are dating. Either way, it's not a good situation.

It definitely left me with more questions than answers and wishing the whole dating thing was a teeny bit more simple. God, if you're listening..I need a break!

Lazy Alert

Hello Lovelies!

Just replied to the comments for the last few posts. Sorry to everyone who posted and was wondering "Where the hell did she go??". I'm back. Yes, with my Lazy butt. It'll take me a while to update all the comments from way back when, so please be patient. Until then, check out my new posts.

To Tell The Truth..Or Not

One of the guys I met recently is a self proclaimed Player. Yup, a player. Just hearing that I should have run for the hills and joined the witness protection program. But somehow, I haven't. Call it stupidity, naievity or maybe the fact that he didn't disclose this until I found him interesting. Yes, why don't we get her to like us and then we drop the A-bomb. Thank you very much! He's a 32 yr old with a good family and job. Yes with those details alone mama would be happy. Well, I think at this stage she'd be thrilled if I found anyone with a pulse (my mom's standards for me has drastically lowered over the years!). Initially I found him to have a lot of qualities I like. But his past bugs me. 

Maybe he thinks just because he told me the truth, everything is A ok and I'm fine n' dandy with it. I on the other hand am wondering if I'm going to be "that" girl who had the warning signs and decided to try it anyway..and got burned by a cheating man in the end. And how I don't like the cheatin men!! (been there, don't want to go there, and probably will do a Lorenna Bobbit on the guy if I ever do!). He went on to tell me how he's done a lot of one night stands (the most recent was a couple months before we met). But that now that he's met me and how he thinks I'm all fantastic and all, that he's changed his ways and isn't that guy. Hmmm.

I'm wondering if its really good to tell the truth or not. I'm not saying be a liar liar pants on fire in a relationship, but if we are not the people we were in our pasts, is it really worth it to disclose things that could be detrimental to the relationship going anywhere. I know personally, that if I never knew this tidbit about him being a player, I probably would be viewing him in a very different way. But now that I know, it taints everything about him. I'm always left thinking if the boy was a player if he can ever get the player outta the boy. And its not like he was being like this years ago..his last one night stand was earlier this year. 

I do give him props for telling me though. Most men would never be so daring. But now that I know, am I supposed to just forget about it or do I let it continue to play a part in my decision making. Ahhh, why is this so confusing!?

Hopefully I'll be able to figure this out soon. He's very eager (and thats an understatment) to get this show on the road. I'm not sure if he thinks he found the good girl (me) that he can bring home to mommy, or if he's really different. And beyond that, I'm unsure if I want to take the chance with a self proclaimed player.

To playa hate or not to playa hate...that is the question..

Back In Action

Wow..has it been a looooong time or what since I've blogged! (..and the procrastination award goes to...) Well, even though its been a very long time, I'm back to writing again. ( I do appreciate all the readers comments and will try and go back and respond to them..it may take a while, so hang in there guys!).

Well, since my last post, lots has happened in my life..Still single. Still dating. I should be the new Carrie Bradshaw...Desi version. Though I'm still waiting for Mr Big. I've been meeting a lot of guys in the last while. Some are still in my life and some I'd like to forget. At least I can say, good or bad, they have taught me a lot about myself.

 
I'll have to break em' down post by post, since each situation could be an essay in its own right. I'm hoping that one of these guys will be "the One" (oh that wonderfully loaded term that we all are in the hunt for but is as hard to find as a Leprauchaun!). Dating is definitely getting tiring..or I'm just getting old. Probably both.

Oh well, its good to be back in the blogging world.

The Talk

I had to go through "The Talk" today. No, not the birds and bees talk..but much worse. It's the Talk that every Desi (or anyone for that matter) or "marrigeable" age has to go through...or shall I say endure. Now, before I go into the details, lets just clarify that I've had this Talk before. Many times. I could write a book on the Talk. (hmm, not a bad idea, maybe I could warn pre-Talk Desi's all over the world, of the wrath of the Talk, and make milllllllions!..maybe not) .Today, the Talk I went through was so long and emotional that it struck a chord and left my mind a buzzin.

To those of you wondering what I'm babbling on about. The Talk is when your parents (or in today's case, my mom) sit you down and talk to you about the whole marriage smarriage topic. First, it starts with the casual "Are you talking to anyone?". Here, the conversation can go two ways. Either which can enduce more talking from the parent.
Option 1 -"Ya, I'm talking to a few people right now". Ooooh, not a good answer. I've done this and I've been grilled like I was a pig on a spitfire. I got the whole, "Why a few people, you need to figure out what you want and commit to someone already". Then I'll be grilled on the details about every person..including job, family, to every other miniscule detail they can think of. "No mom, he only has 2 cavities".
Option 2 - "No, I'm not talking to anyone, I've been really busy with____ (insert mindless excuse here)"
This reply is almost as bad as Option 1, maybe even worse. Here, I've gotten "So you don't want to get married then? You want to be single all your life?"..groan.

My mom started out todays Talk with the casual question and usually I'm able to come up with something to difuse the topic off the bat (ya, I'm that good). But today, I stuck with the cold, hard truth and told her there was noone. She looked upset. And I could tell her mind was churning away, thinking of every Aunty ji that she knew, who she could call and ask if they knew any eligible guys for her getting over- the- Hill daughter. But then that upset look started to get worse, and that's when I knew the Talk was headed into another direction. The guilt trip direction. If the casual question doesn't resolve the issue for Desi parents, then they head to good ol' guilt trip avenue. This is where they find any reason to make you feel disgustingly bad for not being hitched. My mom started off with "Have I been a bad mother? I thought you would be married with children by now & I'd be a grandmother". How do you reply to that? They have to throw in the grandchildren don't they! She kept going on and on about how she had so many dreams for me, and it hurts her that I don't have anyone to share my life with etc etc. Fyi..my mom's an expert at the guilt trip. And it was working. I was feeling crappy. Bottom of the toilet crappy. She started to paint this horrible scenario of me being alone for the rest of my life while the rest of my friends had someone. Had their 1.5 kids, husband and dog named Pinky. Well, she's not all wrong. Most of my friends are married and having kids (but so far Pinky hasn't shown up).

The conversation drawled on and on and by the end I was exhausted. Mentally drained and feeling depressed. Am I going to end up as a spinster or have to prowl the clubs years from now hitting on 22 year old guys? I don't know, but the Talk has got me worried. I thought about everything from "Am I not good enough for any of these guys?" to "When will my crappy guy-picking luck end?". But I had no answers, just questions. Life truely isn't easy on the dating track and I wish sometimes my mom would just plunk some guy in front of me and I would say "Where have you been all my life?". But this isn't a Harlequin romance. It's my life. And it's affecting more than me. My mom was almost in tears by the end of the Talk and I didn't know what to say to make her feel better. I know she doesn't want to see me alone. Hell, I don't want to see me alone. But for now, I would rather do this alone then be with someone who doesn't make my heart sing.

I opened up and told my mom that, and to some extent I'm sure she understands but she still thinks I'm just being picky. Oh, if only she knew half of the dingbats I went out with/met, then she'd realize that it wasn't about being picky but just not throwing my life away to any loser.

I told her I'd try harder (whatever that means) to find someone. I don't know if she or I felt any better after the Talk. But I hope I don't have to go through many more Talks. My tolerance is waning.

If any of you reading this have had this wonderful conversation with your mom or pops, I'd like to hear what you were through or how your dealin. And for those who haven't had it yet...one word...Beware.

Crossing the Line

Friends and Lovers..they are distinct, marked in permanent Jiffy marker ink, lines between the two. The problem happens when one party wants to cross the line, and the other party (aka me) is taken off guard. This is what happened yesterday.

I went to chill at a friends place where there was a get together. Lots of yummy food, laughing, basically it was a great time. All up until, one of my guy friends, lets call him Mr Sneak Attack (Mr SA for short) asked to talk to me privately. So we stepped outside and had some small talk about yadda yadda and blah blah blah and then he drops the bomb. The "I like you" bomb. We went from talking about the weather and World Cup to I Like You and I have since the very beginning. Geez. Its all great if you like him back, but when someone who you've always thought as a friend crosses the line, it becomes one messy situation. I was surprised and I told him that. There were NO signs whatsoever. I told him that. How and when and why did he feel this way and why didn't I know about it. He said he didn't want me to know and that he just always felt this way. Uh huh. Mark a tick on the wall for complicated men.

Mr SA is not just a friend, but more like an acquaintance- friend. I know him, but I don't. But all in that 15 minute chat, I learned more than I'd like to know. Firstly, he's 7 years younger than me. Yes, 7 years. I know, you're going to say the whole Aaliyah "Age Ain't Nuttin But A Number" line (and he said those exact words) and I'm not one to judge a guy on his age. But 7 years between men and women is like dog years, which roughly equates to 30 something years. Not good. So he went on about maturity and how he's very mature. Ok, if he is, I can give him that. But then the conversation took a turn. He was no longer just crossing the line. He was jumping over the line like he was in the Olympics. He started telling me about all the women he's dated and after a few questions on my part, decided to disclose the fact that he's had both one night stands and also an affair with a married woman. Mature? Try again buddy.

Then Mr SA tells me " You know, if I come over to your place one day and we have a few drinks, and do something or even just make out, I won't tell anybody". Where on earth did that come from? It's one thing to tell someone who was just a friend that you like her, but it's another to insinuate that you want a little action. I was speechless. I guess he missed the day when God passed out the gene for subtlty because all of a sudden this conversation got more than a tad uncomfortable.

Just then, one of our friends came out to tell us they were going to have dessert inside. Saved by the Bell. Phew! But just as I was getting ready to go in, Mr SA, decides to bury the so called friend line in the dirt. He comes up to me, so close that I could count how many pores he had, and tried to kiss me.

Shocked, startled..who knows what I was, but I moved away luckily and asked him what did he think he was doing? Well, I knew what he wanted to do, but this guy gave no space for me to answer if I liked him back or not. He was making the decision for the both of us. I think not. I told him we should stay as just friends and I clearly didn't know him well enough to start anything with him. The weird crossing the line conversation ended and I left for inside, confused about what just happened.

Thought it was over. Believed it was over. But later that night after I left the party, I got a text on my phone: "You looked so hot today. I had fun talking. Can't wait to see you again"

And the drama continues...

I'm Back!

It's been a LONG time since my last post. Sorry to all of you in Blog Land who were tuning in. Hopefully there are still a few dedicated souls out there who are checking back now and then : )

So why the hiatus you ask? It roughly boiled down to life's toils and troubles jumping on my back and not letting go. Also, I must admit I got a little lazy. Ok..a LOT lazy. But you forgive me right? (just say yes). Hopefully I'll be updating this blog more often and you'll be coming back with your great comments.

The last while has been pretty rough. I basically fell for someone, got my heart broken into a million teeny, tiny, itsy pieces and now am back..trying to find that someone who can Crazy Glue my heart back together. Believe me, this is no easy task.

I realize that as the older I get, the more confusing this "love thing" becomes, and just when I think I understand men, I meet the one who sends me back to square 1. At this rate, I should just join a convent. Oh how I wish the odds of that not happening were better!

So Welcome Back to my Blog and I'll update the very latest in my next chapter.

The Reality of Reality Shows

Usually I'm not a chick who's into meaningless Reality Shows, but this past weekend, I got sucked into watching them. It's kind of like seeing an accident..even if you don't want to watch it, you can't look away. It was an all time low for Desi Diva :)

I'm not sure if any of you have seen the Surreal Life (VH1), but apparently there's a spin off from last season (yes, as if we want to suffer any more). It's called "Strange Love" and its follows the relationship of Flavor Flav (the guy from Public Enemy with the huge clock necklace and the infamously creepy gold teeth) and Brigitte Nielson (the once upon a time wife of Sylvester Stallone who now is old, played out looking with the fakest boobs ever). I don't know what kept me watching through that episode..was it seeing two people who you'd never, in a million years, imagine being together? I'm not sure. I have to say though, that Flavor Flav is one of the crustiest men I've ever seen. He's short and creepy looking and always is screaming " Flaaaaaaaaavor Flav!". Groan.

If that wasn't bad enough, I watched an even crappier show called "Tommy Lee Goes To College". Yes, it was the beginning of the end. Just the title spells disaster. The show sucked. I was bored as hell. Enough said.

I'm not sure what's happening to T.V. but it seems to be getting worse. Once upon a time, there actually were decent shows. Now you have to sift through a lot of crap just to find something worth your time. Flip. Flip. My remote control gets a workout more than I do. The only ones I that I think are good are Apprentice and Amazing Race. But even Apprentice is going down the toilet lately, with people like Omarosa and the most recent bitch de jour..Toral Mehta. If anyone has watched the show, they'll see how this chick is giving Desi girls everywhere a bad image.

But by far, I think the worst Reality shows are those makeover shows. Extreme Makeover, The Swan, I Want A Famous Face. Do I have to go on? Why don't we just show people that all you need in life is a little plastic surgery to be a better person. What the hell happened to the worth of a good personality? All these shows are doing is fueling more superficiality in Society.

The sad thing is..I think it's only going to get worse. I understand people have a little voyeuristic tendency and they want to see real people's lives..but come on people, where is the "reality"? Most of these shows seem more staged than anything else and half of these "real" people are just on these shows for their 15 minutes of fame. It's the poor man's way to get into the entertainment biz.

Well, hopefully I'm not the only one who's at her Reality Show limit. Let me know what you think of them.