The Price Of Being Too Honest
So, here's the update on the "Playa Guy" (see two posts back for all those going "Huh?"). I guess that little voice called my Intuition saved the day. Though I have had many experiences with my Inner Voice just ending up confusing things more. This time though, I'm glad I took the time to do some introspection and listen.
Player Guy (aka PG..though he was soooo not!) was not a cut and dry case for me. For one thing, I felt besides his past, he had a lot of qualities I'm looking for. He had the secure job, good family, and we got along greatl. But his blunt honesty about his past with women had me wondering. I started thinking..If I've waited this long, do I really want to settle for a Player? But I always give the good a chance before the bad, so I gave him a chance.
We dated for about a week. And then, once again, he decided to tell me everything. I felt like I was a priest and he was in Confession. He had told me about his weekend and how he took some clients at work out for dinner. And how he came home really late. Uh huh. And how they went to a strip club. Okay, A Strip Club..why couldn't you just leave that out. But he went on. I almost felt like he forgot he was talking to a girl he supposedly was interested in, and that we didn't know each other nearly that well for this candid talk. PG then proceeded to tell me how he lost over $900 that night. I secretly was hoping, he was mugged or something, and that's how he lost the money. But Mr Intuition was telling me otherwise.
PG nonchalantly tells me that he lost it on lap dances. I was silent for a while and then my mind started spinning away thinking about what exactly had to happen for him to spend $900 in a Strip Club. And it wasn't good. Whatever benefit of the doubt I had for him, was slipping away. And so were my thoughts of him being a future husband. I'm a pretty understanding and modern girl..but $900 for lap dances..and you're telling me?!..On the top ten list of dumb things to say to a girl, he definitely was winning. Let's just call it a day, and give him the trophy for Dumb Desi Guy of the Year. I am not the girl to be at a loss for words, but that day, he left me pretty speechless. I didn't know if he expected me to high five him or slap him. But I'm sure you can tell which one I would have picked.
I could have left it just like that and never called him again. But I'm not one for ending things like that. I had to tell him why. Maybe just to save the next poor girl from dealing with his lack of judgement. It wasn't about him being honest. I'm all for honesty. But I feel when you're first getting to know each other, and you have nothing solid between the two of you, telling a girl you spend mad cash at a Strip Club is not recommended.
He seemed pretty dumbfounded about the whole thing. And went into the whole reformed Player defense and how he's never met anyone like me. But my Intuition was screaming at me to run...run far away!! And that voice was too loud for me to ignore.
It didn't go past that date. But the experience left me feeling confused (and I feel a lot of that lately). I'm not sure if I'm upset that a guy was finally completely honest with me, and I couldn't handle what he had to say. Or if all guys act like that, but don't tell the girls they are dating. Either way, it's not a good situation.
It definitely left me with more questions than answers and wishing the whole dating thing was a teeny bit more simple. God, if you're listening..I need a break!
posted by desi diva at 12:07 AM
5 Comments:
$900? Dude sounds baller. You should have jokingly said to him, 'You know, prostitution is illegal in most states.'
Today was randomly-type-old-dead-blog-url day and I happened to type yours. Glad you are back Diva!:) Gosh, 2006 was your last post. I don't know about you, but I've changed a great deal in the last two years. I've become less and less smarter in perceiving the world around me and saying what's right and what's not. I often choose the on-the-fence reaction *interesting* these days. The PG story is *interesting*.
Welcome back hugses!!:)
was he looking for forgiveness for his sinful past or acceptance inspite of it? most guys who played around don't go around yakking abt it. endgame:- liar.
Glad to see you are back. I used to read your blog so long ago.
The bottom line is, I think that PG did you a favour by being honest from the start. How would you feel if, after a few months of building a relationship, you found about his various habits?
I am sure he has any number of positive attributes, everyone does. However, when you marry, you are married to both the good and the bad.
Yes, he has a good job, but what good is it if he spends all the money in strip clubs? If he is used to sexual novelty through promiscuity, will he be able to adapt to the confines of marriage? An especially promiscuous man may also bring a number of liabilities such as disease and unexpected surprises from his past.
Yes, people can change. A player may see the error of his ways and reform. However, I am quite sceptical of a man who is changing because of a woman. Even if it is true, it is the wrong reason: a person should change because it is the right thing to do.
A person truly changes when they are convinced that the change is necessary for his or her well-being. Change due to an outside reason betrays an inherent weakness and lack of discipline. Thinking along the lines of 'If only I could find the right woman...' is simply an excuse not to change.
Well, best of luck in your endeavours.
what a douche bag
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