The Talk

I had to go through "The Talk" today. No, not the birds and bees talk..but much worse. It's the Talk that every Desi (or anyone for that matter) or "marrigeable" age has to go through...or shall I say endure. Now, before I go into the details, lets just clarify that I've had this Talk before. Many times. I could write a book on the Talk. (hmm, not a bad idea, maybe I could warn pre-Talk Desi's all over the world, of the wrath of the Talk, and make milllllllions!..maybe not) .Today, the Talk I went through was so long and emotional that it struck a chord and left my mind a buzzin.

To those of you wondering what I'm babbling on about. The Talk is when your parents (or in today's case, my mom) sit you down and talk to you about the whole marriage smarriage topic. First, it starts with the casual "Are you talking to anyone?". Here, the conversation can go two ways. Either which can enduce more talking from the parent.
Option 1 -"Ya, I'm talking to a few people right now". Ooooh, not a good answer. I've done this and I've been grilled like I was a pig on a spitfire. I got the whole, "Why a few people, you need to figure out what you want and commit to someone already". Then I'll be grilled on the details about every person..including job, family, to every other miniscule detail they can think of. "No mom, he only has 2 cavities".
Option 2 - "No, I'm not talking to anyone, I've been really busy with____ (insert mindless excuse here)"
This reply is almost as bad as Option 1, maybe even worse. Here, I've gotten "So you don't want to get married then? You want to be single all your life?"..groan.

My mom started out todays Talk with the casual question and usually I'm able to come up with something to difuse the topic off the bat (ya, I'm that good). But today, I stuck with the cold, hard truth and told her there was noone. She looked upset. And I could tell her mind was churning away, thinking of every Aunty ji that she knew, who she could call and ask if they knew any eligible guys for her getting over- the- Hill daughter. But then that upset look started to get worse, and that's when I knew the Talk was headed into another direction. The guilt trip direction. If the casual question doesn't resolve the issue for Desi parents, then they head to good ol' guilt trip avenue. This is where they find any reason to make you feel disgustingly bad for not being hitched. My mom started off with "Have I been a bad mother? I thought you would be married with children by now & I'd be a grandmother". How do you reply to that? They have to throw in the grandchildren don't they! She kept going on and on about how she had so many dreams for me, and it hurts her that I don't have anyone to share my life with etc etc. Fyi..my mom's an expert at the guilt trip. And it was working. I was feeling crappy. Bottom of the toilet crappy. She started to paint this horrible scenario of me being alone for the rest of my life while the rest of my friends had someone. Had their 1.5 kids, husband and dog named Pinky. Well, she's not all wrong. Most of my friends are married and having kids (but so far Pinky hasn't shown up).

The conversation drawled on and on and by the end I was exhausted. Mentally drained and feeling depressed. Am I going to end up as a spinster or have to prowl the clubs years from now hitting on 22 year old guys? I don't know, but the Talk has got me worried. I thought about everything from "Am I not good enough for any of these guys?" to "When will my crappy guy-picking luck end?". But I had no answers, just questions. Life truely isn't easy on the dating track and I wish sometimes my mom would just plunk some guy in front of me and I would say "Where have you been all my life?". But this isn't a Harlequin romance. It's my life. And it's affecting more than me. My mom was almost in tears by the end of the Talk and I didn't know what to say to make her feel better. I know she doesn't want to see me alone. Hell, I don't want to see me alone. But for now, I would rather do this alone then be with someone who doesn't make my heart sing.

I opened up and told my mom that, and to some extent I'm sure she understands but she still thinks I'm just being picky. Oh, if only she knew half of the dingbats I went out with/met, then she'd realize that it wasn't about being picky but just not throwing my life away to any loser.

I told her I'd try harder (whatever that means) to find someone. I don't know if she or I felt any better after the Talk. But I hope I don't have to go through many more Talks. My tolerance is waning.

If any of you reading this have had this wonderful conversation with your mom or pops, I'd like to hear what you were through or how your dealin. And for those who haven't had it yet...one word...Beware.