Progression or Degression?

Hi Ladies, Men, Kids and Animals of all ages. Welcome to another blurb from Yours Truly:)

I was talking with some girlfriends (a mix of single and married) the other day, and listening to the usual grumblings about not being able to find a man or the man who they've found being tooooootally different after they got hitched. The common thread of that conversation and so many others, made me think later if desi guys in our generation have really evolved from the "Old School" Uncles and Dads of yesteryear.

Firstly, I like to say a brief disclaimer that this is just MY opinion..if you don't agree, fine and if you do, even better. This is not anti male or anti desi guy post..just my honest 2 cents on a confusing topic. And if some random Indian guy, who is taking a break from his Med School books happens to be reading this, hopefully reading this post will give you some insight on what us girls think about you. Learning how we feel can only cause change. Yes women, I'm going to change the world!! One desi guy at a time. (ok, I'll sit down now)

From my personal standpoint, my dad has been a pretty progressive guy. He doesn't dress like someone who's shoes are still wet from coming off the boat, nor are his interests typical. He is well rounded in what he reads and watches (yes, CNN and TLC are on in my house more than the desi channels, which most Indians parents are glued to 24-7 ). He's a pretty modern father in most respects, except that of his ideas on women/men dynamics. In that case, he is completely typical desi man..all the way!! (Dad, if you're reading this..I still love you!). His views are that women should be doing the traditional roles like cooking, cleaning and raising the kids..and his job as a man is to provide the loot. Besides that, he can come home and kick back his feet and have my mom take care of everything. Ah, ain't life grand!

Growing up, I, being the pro Equality chick that I am, have always hated this and have said naively, more than a million times, that "Nope, whomever I marry is going to be 100% equal all the way..We will treat each other more like friends and lovers than business partners" . Plus, I wasn't all Martha Stewarty growing up and made roti's in the shapes of planets. Enough said. I believed that guys who I would meet would be radically different. Hey, most of them grew up with some North American culture..they lived in similar households..how could they not want things to be different for their wives?

Well, little did I know that when I grew up, I would learn two heartbreaking truths. First, that Santa was some bitter old man dressed up in a mall driven by the throngs of Commercialism, but also (and much more saddening) that Desi Guys (and I'll say many but not all because I am hoping there is some Perfect man/ Arjun Rampal lookalike out there with my name on it) haven't really changed. People, we're in 2005 here not 1805..but whenever I run into a desi girl who wants to yadda yada yada about her lifes woes..the topic always comes up about the expectations of our male desi compadres.

These seemingly intelligent, witty, metrosexual men of the 00's are still expecting to find a wife who fits the mommy mold. But unlike their predecessors, they aren't just happy with the well accomplished housewife. Nooooo, these guys do not only want Miss Perfect in the home, but she also has to have a good education, workout to keep the killer bod (so all their friends will be drooling and jealous), have a "kick ya mamas ass" amazing job, raise the kids,be funny and witty enough to overthrow Chappelle, and....you get the picture. I'm just getting tired writing about it!!

What I think, is men now have up'ed the Anty on the spousal expectations. And us women are expecting someone who will think of us like equals and not dump every responsibility on our pretty little heads (are we just brianwashed from watching Days of our Lives too much?). Somewhere the wants and needs are not matching up and when that happens..there is frustration, disappointment and what is now increasingly popular...divorce. Its sad to say, but so many people in our community ,in their 20's and 30's, are calling it quits.

Desi women now are more independent than our mothers were. Our moms weren't thrilled about the gender dynamics, but they dealt with it. They hoped for something better for us . But what the guys grew up seeing, somewhere inside of them, they've instilled how Daddy Dearest was treated, as the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. For them, if Dad had it so good, then why the hell can't they? In a way, I can't blame them. We learn from what we see. And if what we see is a hellava great lifestyle, then thats what we want. They're looking for Mom version 5.0.

So, now the dilemma is that its very rare to find that guy who views you as more than a personal servant. Ok..I know thats pretty harsh, but if a dude expects a woman to do all the dirty work while he chills, then thats what she is.

All of my single girlfriends have horror stories of guys who are more impressed by their cooking abilities than their career. What exactly should we be? I guess thats my next question. Do we, as single desi girls, conform to the golden standard for women by trying to do it all or do we bravely stand for WHO we are as being more important than WHAT we know.

So, have men PROgressed or DEgressed through the desi evolutionary line. I'm not sure if I know for sure what the answer to that is, but what I see more commonly, is that desi guys progress with their lives (education, trendy clothing, a better lifestyle than their fathers) but they are degressing with their views on us and what they really want from us.


Well, thats my sphell. Rant and Rave away!