The Talk

I had to go through "The Talk" today. No, not the birds and bees talk..but much worse. It's the Talk that every Desi (or anyone for that matter) or "marrigeable" age has to go through...or shall I say endure. Now, before I go into the details, lets just clarify that I've had this Talk before. Many times. I could write a book on the Talk. (hmm, not a bad idea, maybe I could warn pre-Talk Desi's all over the world, of the wrath of the Talk, and make milllllllions!..maybe not) .Today, the Talk I went through was so long and emotional that it struck a chord and left my mind a buzzin.

To those of you wondering what I'm babbling on about. The Talk is when your parents (or in today's case, my mom) sit you down and talk to you about the whole marriage smarriage topic. First, it starts with the casual "Are you talking to anyone?". Here, the conversation can go two ways. Either which can enduce more talking from the parent.
Option 1 -"Ya, I'm talking to a few people right now". Ooooh, not a good answer. I've done this and I've been grilled like I was a pig on a spitfire. I got the whole, "Why a few people, you need to figure out what you want and commit to someone already". Then I'll be grilled on the details about every person..including job, family, to every other miniscule detail they can think of. "No mom, he only has 2 cavities".
Option 2 - "No, I'm not talking to anyone, I've been really busy with____ (insert mindless excuse here)"
This reply is almost as bad as Option 1, maybe even worse. Here, I've gotten "So you don't want to get married then? You want to be single all your life?"..groan.

My mom started out todays Talk with the casual question and usually I'm able to come up with something to difuse the topic off the bat (ya, I'm that good). But today, I stuck with the cold, hard truth and told her there was noone. She looked upset. And I could tell her mind was churning away, thinking of every Aunty ji that she knew, who she could call and ask if they knew any eligible guys for her getting over- the- Hill daughter. But then that upset look started to get worse, and that's when I knew the Talk was headed into another direction. The guilt trip direction. If the casual question doesn't resolve the issue for Desi parents, then they head to good ol' guilt trip avenue. This is where they find any reason to make you feel disgustingly bad for not being hitched. My mom started off with "Have I been a bad mother? I thought you would be married with children by now & I'd be a grandmother". How do you reply to that? They have to throw in the grandchildren don't they! She kept going on and on about how she had so many dreams for me, and it hurts her that I don't have anyone to share my life with etc etc. Fyi..my mom's an expert at the guilt trip. And it was working. I was feeling crappy. Bottom of the toilet crappy. She started to paint this horrible scenario of me being alone for the rest of my life while the rest of my friends had someone. Had their 1.5 kids, husband and dog named Pinky. Well, she's not all wrong. Most of my friends are married and having kids (but so far Pinky hasn't shown up).

The conversation drawled on and on and by the end I was exhausted. Mentally drained and feeling depressed. Am I going to end up as a spinster or have to prowl the clubs years from now hitting on 22 year old guys? I don't know, but the Talk has got me worried. I thought about everything from "Am I not good enough for any of these guys?" to "When will my crappy guy-picking luck end?". But I had no answers, just questions. Life truely isn't easy on the dating track and I wish sometimes my mom would just plunk some guy in front of me and I would say "Where have you been all my life?". But this isn't a Harlequin romance. It's my life. And it's affecting more than me. My mom was almost in tears by the end of the Talk and I didn't know what to say to make her feel better. I know she doesn't want to see me alone. Hell, I don't want to see me alone. But for now, I would rather do this alone then be with someone who doesn't make my heart sing.

I opened up and told my mom that, and to some extent I'm sure she understands but she still thinks I'm just being picky. Oh, if only she knew half of the dingbats I went out with/met, then she'd realize that it wasn't about being picky but just not throwing my life away to any loser.

I told her I'd try harder (whatever that means) to find someone. I don't know if she or I felt any better after the Talk. But I hope I don't have to go through many more Talks. My tolerance is waning.

If any of you reading this have had this wonderful conversation with your mom or pops, I'd like to hear what you were through or how your dealin. And for those who haven't had it yet...one word...Beware.

Crossing the Line

Friends and Lovers..they are distinct, marked in permanent Jiffy marker ink, lines between the two. The problem happens when one party wants to cross the line, and the other party (aka me) is taken off guard. This is what happened yesterday.

I went to chill at a friends place where there was a get together. Lots of yummy food, laughing, basically it was a great time. All up until, one of my guy friends, lets call him Mr Sneak Attack (Mr SA for short) asked to talk to me privately. So we stepped outside and had some small talk about yadda yadda and blah blah blah and then he drops the bomb. The "I like you" bomb. We went from talking about the weather and World Cup to I Like You and I have since the very beginning. Geez. Its all great if you like him back, but when someone who you've always thought as a friend crosses the line, it becomes one messy situation. I was surprised and I told him that. There were NO signs whatsoever. I told him that. How and when and why did he feel this way and why didn't I know about it. He said he didn't want me to know and that he just always felt this way. Uh huh. Mark a tick on the wall for complicated men.

Mr SA is not just a friend, but more like an acquaintance- friend. I know him, but I don't. But all in that 15 minute chat, I learned more than I'd like to know. Firstly, he's 7 years younger than me. Yes, 7 years. I know, you're going to say the whole Aaliyah "Age Ain't Nuttin But A Number" line (and he said those exact words) and I'm not one to judge a guy on his age. But 7 years between men and women is like dog years, which roughly equates to 30 something years. Not good. So he went on about maturity and how he's very mature. Ok, if he is, I can give him that. But then the conversation took a turn. He was no longer just crossing the line. He was jumping over the line like he was in the Olympics. He started telling me about all the women he's dated and after a few questions on my part, decided to disclose the fact that he's had both one night stands and also an affair with a married woman. Mature? Try again buddy.

Then Mr SA tells me " You know, if I come over to your place one day and we have a few drinks, and do something or even just make out, I won't tell anybody". Where on earth did that come from? It's one thing to tell someone who was just a friend that you like her, but it's another to insinuate that you want a little action. I was speechless. I guess he missed the day when God passed out the gene for subtlty because all of a sudden this conversation got more than a tad uncomfortable.

Just then, one of our friends came out to tell us they were going to have dessert inside. Saved by the Bell. Phew! But just as I was getting ready to go in, Mr SA, decides to bury the so called friend line in the dirt. He comes up to me, so close that I could count how many pores he had, and tried to kiss me.

Shocked, startled..who knows what I was, but I moved away luckily and asked him what did he think he was doing? Well, I knew what he wanted to do, but this guy gave no space for me to answer if I liked him back or not. He was making the decision for the both of us. I think not. I told him we should stay as just friends and I clearly didn't know him well enough to start anything with him. The weird crossing the line conversation ended and I left for inside, confused about what just happened.

Thought it was over. Believed it was over. But later that night after I left the party, I got a text on my phone: "You looked so hot today. I had fun talking. Can't wait to see you again"

And the drama continues...