The Frustrations of Expectations

For an average desi..life is brimming with expectations. I experience this daily with my parents. My mom expects my culinary skills to be so refined by now (like a good Indian woman's should be) that I should be outdoing Emeril. My brother, on the other hand, oh..well, it doesn't matter if he even knows how to boil water.

Yes, I don't want to grumble on about the apparently neverending sterotypical gender roles for East Indians..but I can't say it doesn't irk me. It irks me more than irking could irk!! (now say that 3 times fast). Why can't Desi Women be appreciated for more than their domestic skills?? Why are there so many expectations for us?

For instance, if you go to a dinner at some Uncle or Aunties home, first off you are bound to see the woman and men seperate into their own little conversations. The women will end up somewhere in the vacinity of their home away from home..aka.the kitchen..and the topic will revolve around food, babies, what their kids are doing, who's marrying whom..general gossipy stuff.

Meanwhile, all the Uncles and other men are sitting in the living room talking about life. They talk about politics, current affairs and things that MEAN something. I've found myself so many times in the dilemma of having to be stuck with the ladies talking about something I'm not really interested in, all because I am expected to stay there (gossip and help with the food). So many times, I wished that the women would talk about something of relevance. Life shouldn't be all about weddings and which cleaner works the best on pots.

I'm not sure if this is a purely Indian phenomenon..and I would be interested to hear from all you non-desi's out there. Are desi women the only ones dealing with this? I sincerely hope not.

As for this changing anytime soon..well, all my married girlfriends are almost falling into the same scenario. It hasnt gotten into the total gossip stage yet, but its getting close. Last time, the conversation of choice was if the Swiffer was better than the competition. I felt like pulling my eyelashes off! Mind you, I do understand that domestic stuff should be talked about since we, girls,are the ones dealing with the brunt of the burden..but there are other things in life to talk about people!!

Beyond these expectations, Desi kids are expected to go to University, find the perfect spouse (who is of the same religion, yada yada yada), then have their own perfect kids who also go to the ideal University and god forbid they marry someone non-desi?!..The list goes on and sometimes I feel that our lives are scripted more by our parents and society's expectations rather than our own.

Come to think of it, sometimes I don't even know my own expectations of myself. I'm so brainwashed by what I should do and shouldn't do, that given the opportunity, I'm not sure what I would really want. Do you know what YOU really want or is what you want what your parents want? Think about it.

The expectations inherited by us are usually laden with the fear of disappointment. This one is purely me. I'm the ultimate people pleaser who pleases the world before she pleases her self. I would hate to see my parents disappointed in me. Its something that unfortunately drives my decisions and choices.

When you live in a cultural society where its normal for parents to micromanage your life and indulge you with all their expectations of you, its easy to get overwhelmed. This, perhaps, people who are not Indian may not understand. Since, the North American lifestyle dictates self wants as king. But for us Desi Kids who are dealing with it..its the pitts! (and we're not talking about Brad here)

Well, thats about all for now..time to go and clean the fridge and make some parathas ;)