You Too Can Be A Pickup Guru

Late last night when I was channel surfing, I saw an interesting segment on a show. It was about the new trend for men trying to get a date. There are so-called Dating Experts, who apparently are so gifted with the ladies that they teach dorky guys how to pickup women. Yes..what is the world coming to!? Trying to turn Geeks into Tres Chic.

These geeky guys are paying up to $2000 for a 3 day seminar, where they are schooled in the art of picking up women. Is an idiot born every second or what?! Apparently, these "schools" are so successful, that there was a "International Pickup Artists Convention" in Montreal recently! Damn, I wish I could have been there, so I could've slapped out all those Con Artists..I mean, Pickup Artists. I've heard way too many "drippin with cheese" pickup lines in my time.

What they are teaching these guys is to be the Bad Boy. Not the "I drive a Harley" Bad Boy, but the type of Bad Boy you'd like to drop kick to the floor. These dating newbies are told to be more like a "grabby older brother" and actually mock or tease the women, instead of trying to pick them up.Okay..unless you live in the Deep South and your last name is Bumpkin, I couldn't imagine any brotherly teasing to be a turn on. As for the teasin, well they are taught to say things like "Talking to you is like pulling teeth" or "Your teeth kinda remind me of Bugs Bunny". The dude who used the last one in a Home Depot, actually walked away with the girls number. And get this..she was a Playboy Playmate.

Now before all you male blogreaders run out to the clubs, trying to scam every woman you meet with these icky lines. Beware, it didn't work on everyone. And I don't think we can use the Playmate as a good example, since I'm sure she was so shot up with Silicone that she thought he was giving her a compliment. Most women would roll their eyes or think you were out of your mind, if you came out with something like that.

I think the dudes going to these Pickup Schools, are really just looking for Confidence. Because really, confidence is a hellava more attractive then getting insulted in a club. If you're going to pay 2 G's for that..save your money! (or better yet, send it to me..to Desi Diva's Blog Fund!).

Women like Real, Honest Men. No Slimy lines. No B.S. Just be yourself. Yourself, with a little deodorant and a dazzling smile. And if the ladies don't like it..move on, because they really weren't worth your time.

(And somehow if you're able to land a Playboy Playmate with one of these cheesy lines...you can officially call yourself a Pickup Guru!)

Living In Our Desi Bubble

Us, humans, are very self absorbed creatures. We're only interested in the world when it involves us, someone we know, or is plastered on CNN. Then after time has passed, and we've gabbed about it or "ooohed and aaahed" about it enough..its forgotten. And we're back into our Bubble (or Desi Bubble, in my case).

I've always thought there's more to this life than just living. And I have fought life in the Desi Bubble for years. I don't want to just get married, have my 2 kids, white picket fence, dog and then die one day. How did I spend my life? What did I really do while I was on this planet? And when its all said and done and when I'm a 90 year old with false teeth, Will I be content looking back on my life and knowing that my trivial little problems required so much of my energy that I couldn't spend it on anything else of importance?

A lot of Desi people tend to lead the "safe" life. This means picking the safe career (doctor, lawyer, pharmacist, engineer, dentist etc), marrying the safe life partner (good indian boy/girl, with a good family, good reputation, educated etc), and filling their life with safe life choices. They go to safe, typical vacation spots, consume their lives with making a living and buying "stuff" and are happy with keeping their lives within their Bubble.

Life in the Bubble is a good one. Here you don't have to really worry about poverty in Africa (because its not your Bubbles responsibility to deal with it), or figure out what part you play in this thing we call Humanity (since its so much easier to deal with our day to day problems and forget that we're part of something bigger)

But do you wonder why you're here?..We can't be here just to take up space and watch MTV. Or to fill our conversations with discussions of who will win Apprentice. Its important to live your life in whatever corner of the world you're in, but I do think we should all be looking to lead our lives in a more complete way. Meaning that, we need to make some contribution to society.

I'm not sure whats going to happen when I'm gone one day, but I'd like to think this life I was given, was a chance for me to do something positive while I was here. In a way, I think whatever higher power has created us, keeps creating people as chances for humanity to get our act together. But so many of us, do nothing beyond the scope of ordinary life. If you imagine what our world would be like if all of us contributed a little something..it would be pretty phenomenal.

Ever since I was a wee little girl..I've always felt that internal pull. Always wondering why I'm here and never content with planning a conventional life. So many of my friends love their Bubble and when I try and talk to them about a deeper meaning to life..they shrug their shoulders and laugh it off. Like who really cares about doing anything more. Instead they look at me confused, wondering why I don't just go with the flow. Why I think about my purpose here. Its not like I spend hours a day obsessing about it, but it is something that affects the core of me.

They would rather join the generations of Desi's who like to "Keep up with the Jone's". It's always about having a better car, kids who have an amazingly, extravagant wedding, a big house and ending up with lots and lots of things. I can't say I don't like having stuff either (I love hot cars, clothes, and shoes) but I really can't say it consumes me. I would rather find out what my purpose is here, sometime during this time period we call Life, than to just ignore it and do what everyone else is doing. It scares me to think my life could pass me by and be wasted.

I also feel we look at monumental people like Mother Theresa, Gandhi, or Martin Luther King and view them as Superhumans. Almost like they have something in them that we coudn't possibly have. I think we all have the capacity to change something in this world and make it better. Perhaps, not to the level of the people I mentioned. But we all do have potential. The only thing that holds us back is the fear to try.

Desi people usually allow someone else to solve the worlds problems. Not wanting to protest or speak up about things that bother them. Let someone else do it while we wait by the sidelines, they say. Lets just complain quietly to our familes. And maybe someone else in this world, will do something and make it go away.

I suppose thats why volunteering has always been important to me. I've always tried to make a difference to someone or something. But still, I feel its not enough. Maybe I'm too hard on myself or maybe I'm just frustrated about Bubble Life. Who knows.

Whichever way it is, I hope someday I will realize what I'm here for. And that I will be fearless enough to do something about it. That I will live my life and not let it live me.

And hopefully..you will too.

What Men REALLY Want

Since I share my views on Dating, Men and Life on this Blog, from a Female perspective. I thought today, I would share a man's point of view.

I came across this article..author unknown (maybe after you read this you'll realize why this guy didn't reveal his name..maybe because he didn't want to have all the women coming after him..with knives in their hands!). It's all about finding a wife..But not any wife. A beautiful wife.

I read it with an open mind, though the title made me wonder if I should or not delve into these superficial ideas. But I did, and now I know why some (not all..cuz I still have hope) Men (esp. Desi men) are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Ok..I know men are visual creatures, but this is crazy!!

And if THIS is the way men really think..I may be single for quite a long time (eeks! is it time to join the convent yet?)



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ARRANGED MARRIAGE: THE SEARCH FOR BEAUTY

( A collection of tips to find a beautiful wife)

If you are a typical, single, Indian man who lives in the USA, the time will come when it will dawn on you that the only chance you have to indulge in wedded bliss lies in the hallowed institution of the"Arranged Marriage".

You probably left India when you were twenty-one, having squandered your adolescence striving to get here. At this point, you are twenty-five or older, and have been out of touch with the general Indian female population for more than a decade. All the women you know back home are married.

This manual is written for those of you who harbor hopes of acquiring a beautiful arranged bride.If you belong to the rarified set of intellectuals to whom the external female form holds no charms, and those who evaluate others according to the quality of their inner selves, this manual is not for you.

No, this manual is for the rest of you, mere mortals, who still have enough red blood in their veins so that you can admit, even to yourselves, that you rather like the idea of having a beautiful wife. Of course, before I even go about describing how to acquire beauty, it is necessary to define it. And this is where I expect the most disagreement.

There will be those among you who proclaim, "But beauty is in the eye of the beholder!" And you would be partly right. If you are a man who equates beauty to facial attractiveness, there is not much that this manual can do for you. You are a very fortunate man, for Indian women have the most beautiful faces of any race in the world. You have a very large pool to choose from, and you do not need much help in choosing, because you can look at each prospective bride's face and decide whether she is beautiful or not.

No, this is written for those who would like their wife to have a good figure too. For you, the job is harder. Typically, Indian women do not get much physical exercise, and consequently, if they are not scrawny,tend to be on the overweight side. Why do you think sarees are so popular in India? Because they can hide all the embarrassing bulk!

Some men think that Indian women do not have shapely legs by reasons of genetics. I say to them, check out the figures of the IA (ABCD to you politically incorrect guys) women. They are on par with anything I have seen on any other race. This is because IA women work out and take care to keep themselves in shape. You cannot go covering yourself up around here, not if you want to get dates.If you are one of those academic types who have not given much thought to the matter, or merely one of those blighters who like to ask intelligent questions to which you already know the answers, and ask me, "But why does one NEED a beautiful wife?" I would reply that beauty is a double edged sword. It has its advantages and disadvantages, some of which I summarize below.

Advantages of having a beautiful wife.

a) A beautiful girl is much easier to adjust to than an unattractive one. You will be much more tolerant of her faults during the initial "adjustment" phase of marriage, simply because you willnot have the heart to get irritated with someone so lovely. She will be much easier to forgive after a fight.

b) If you are the typical desi engineer, you will not be exactly Adonis Reborn. If your wife is homely too, your child will probably look like the Swamp Thing, or the Blob. If you love your unborn children, you owe it to them to give them a beautiful mother.

c) A beautiful wife enhances your social stature. People will look at you and think, "How the ^&*% did that !@## land such a gorgeous babe? He must have something that is not visible on the outside!" You will get invited to more parties, especially by men who want to spend the evening drooling at her. Conversely, if your wife is homely, you will be rather embarrassed to take her to gatherings ofyour friends, especially if they are all married to knockouts.

d) And most importantly, sex will be much better if your wife is good-looking. Otherwise, after a couple of years when the pent-up horniness of the past 25+ years has worn off, you probably will not be even able to get it up, unless you resort to ungentlemanly andundignified tactics, like fantasising about Sridevi when you are inbed.

Disadvantages of having a beautiful wife.

a) If you are one of those for whom innocence, virtue, and chastity are important, beautiful women are not for you. My empirical research shows that, while beauty (or the lack of it) in a woman is in no way indicative of her intelligence, beautiful women are invariably very street-smart. They KNOW that they are good looking, and have got used to people bending over backwards to accommodate them. This dawns on them very early on in life, when they observe that teachers are much nicer to them than to their less-attractive friends, when almost all the men they encounter behave like brainless, testosterone-driven apes in their presense, when they observe that they get things done twice as quickly in a government office.As a teenager in college, a beautiful woman would have had lots of men vying with each other for her friendship and affections. She would have to be more than human not to have enjoyed the attention. She would have played the men one against the other, as women have done since time immemorial. She might have dated, and even had affairs. In the process, she would get to know men all too well, and would realize that they are but putty in the hands of a good-looking woman.

b) A good-looking woman is more than a match for the average desi engineer. She will twist you around her little finger and make you jump through hoops. Things will get done her way nearly all the time.Of course, it will be fun to jump through hoops for someone as lovelyas she is. A homely woman, on the other hand, will usually be so grateful to you for marrying her that she will treat you like a king.

c) As I mentioned before, a beautiful woman is unlikely to be particularly virtuous or righteous. But that is okay, since too much virtue often goes hand-in-hand with rather undesirable traits. Avirtuous woman may also be ugly, weird, boring, hyper-religious or frigid.

d) A beautiful woman is more likely to "stray" after marriage too. This is the USA, and the fact that a woman is married does not make her off-limits to adventurers or would-be Casanovas. The more lovely a woman is, the more likely is she to be propositioned by her male colleagues or friends. Ergo, she is subject to much more temptation than her homely counterparts. Think about this... how would it be if women kept asking you, a man, to make love to them? How many times would you refuse?

How to go about selecting a beautiful wife.

First of all, there is the matter of mentioning the fact to your parents. If your parents are anything like mine, they will freak out when they hear that their dear devoted son is actually interested in earthy things like beauty (and, by extrapolation, sex). It is not considered good form to say that beauty is important to you in Indian circles.Here is a very important tip... do not leave bride-hunting to your parents! Beauty is going to be the last of their priorities, coming after caste, horoscopes, family background, perceived virtue of the girl etc. Make it very clear to them that beauty is high on your list of priorities. State in no uncertain terms that you will not marry anyone who does not measure up to your standards. That will prevent them from goofing off during bride-hunting, shirking their responsibilities and palming off some family-friend's daughter on you.

Another unpalatable fact is that your mother will not want you to marry someone too beautiful. This often comes as a surprise to most sons, but the reason is simple. Mothers know that, sooner or later,there will be a tussle between her and her daughter-in-law over her son's affections and loyalties. Since women are extremely conscious of their looks and tend to rate themselves accordingly, a beautiful woman has a psychological advantage over a less attractive one in an argument. Also, your mother knows that a beautiful wife will tilt the scales against her as far as you are concerned, since such a wife will probably have you dangling by the balls, if you pardon the expression.

So, left to herself, your mother will limit her search to women whoare less attractive than she perceives herself to be.Before you start on your bride-hunting, you should convince yourself that you deserve a beautiful wife.

Do not ever think, "But I am not so good-looking anyway, what right have I to demand a lovely girl?" Since Man started walking the earth, it has been the man's wealth that has been traded off for the woman's beauty. Rest assured that your looks will be the last thing on a girl's mind when she rates you as a prospective husband. She will be weighing your earning potential, green-card potential etc. Even in this land of feminism, "Cosmopolitan" has articles on "How to hook a rich husband" and "The ten best places to meet successful men".You have worked hard, and wasted ten of the most wonderful years of your life getting where you are. You deserve to get something out of it. Do not squander your bargaining position. In other words, do not be ashamed to make your preference for beauty known.

How to check whether she is beautiful.

First of all, never consent to marry a girl whom you have seen only in photographs. PHOTOGRAPHS LIE!!!! Photography is an art that can make HKL Bhagat look like Zeenat Aman. All too often, photographs sent to prospective suitors contain only the face. Also, they usually have been so air-brushed and sanitized, all the pimples and other irregularities removed, that the end product has little in common with the original. Also, it is a certain fact that no woman will consent tosend you photograph that presents herself in an unflattering light.These days, in the urban areas of India, it is often the practice totake an album-full of pictures of a girl when she gets to marriageable age. These pictures show the girl in various outfits, eastern andwestern. The album is then sent to prospective grooms-in-the-states.During my last visit to India, I learned from an authoritative sourcethat many of these pictures are blatant forgeries, involving splicing the girl's head on to the figure of some other girl, sometimes professional models. In one case, pictures of a girl's good-looking sister were went out instead.

Bottom line: do not make a decision based merely on photographs!


Once you see the girl directly, you can easily check whether her face measures up. The figure is a different matter altogether. Women have conducted more research into packaging themselves than have been conducted on the entire US space effort. You should realize that,while you were struggling in your engineering program in undergraduate grad school, women were learning the techniques of camouflage. She KNOWS that it is her looks that count. By packaging herself so thatshe seems attractive to a non-resident Indian for about 10 minutes,she can earn all that it took the NRI 10 years of hard work torealize. Women are extremely honest with their friends about theirpositive and negative points. They are intensely aware of their flaws,and work systematically towards concealing them. So, if she seems to have a liking for loose, flowing sarees orsalwar-kameez, keep your mind open to the possibility that she may beoverweight. That fold of her saree draped oh-so-elegantly across her midriff might be concealing a paunch. It it is wound demurely aroundher back, she probably has spare tires. Does she walk slowly andsedately, like an old Spanish galleon making its way across the seas?She is probably holding her paunch in.So what do you do if she always appears in such clothes? You cannot very well demand that she change clothes... that would be outrageously bad form. AND SHE KNOWS THAT! One way to approach such a problem is the following. Tell her that she cannot wear a saree in the states,that it would be embarrassing for you. Tell her that if she is not willing to wear jeans, shorts and pants on a regular basis, you are probably not a good choice for her. Subtly hint that you would like to see her in western clothes. If she refuses flat-out, my friend, you can be sure that she is hiding something. If she has a good figure,she will make damned sure that you see it.

A large percentage of women in India have huge hips and very heavy thighs. This is mainly due to lack of exercise. In a saree or churidar, it is impossible to check for these, which is why they areso popular. If a woman states that she does not wear pants, warning bells should ring in her mind. One way to check for obesity under a saree or salwar is to note the relative positions of her bosom and midriff.

For a woman with a good figure, the bosom should be at a considerably higher level. If she dresses so that the bosom does not stand out, it is almost surely because she has a paunch that comes to the same level. Or she may be droopy, saggy or totally flat.Let me reiterate, if a girl has something to show, she will make damned sure that you will see it.One way to see how your prospective bride looks when she is not dressed up is to ask to see her family albums. NOT the ones that they keep out ostentatiously but the ones that they keep tucked away at the corner of the shelf. A lot of overweight women go through crash diets during the wedding season, starving themselves or going to professional "fat-farms" to lose dozens of pounds, to get into presentable shape for the darshan. I know of one woman who lost 60pounds in 8 months preparing for the wedding. She quickly gained itall back after the marriage. Pictures of the woman taken 2 or 3 yearsago should tell you whether she is inclined to obesity.If, on the other hand, she is a thin woman who has padded herself upto look good on darshan day, there is no way on earth that you can tell. The best way to check for this sort of stuff is to enlist thehelp of a sympathetic, liberated, female, friend, sister or otherrelative. She can easily see through the disguise and give you unbiased estimates of the interior.
So, if you have a sister, you hadbetter start being nice to her.

HAPPY HUNTING! ... UNITING!


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Puh leeeeeeeease! Happy Hunting? Whomever this guy is, the fact that he's so obsessed on looks will only make him unhappy in the long run. What happened to finding someone who you actually like and get along with?

This view is filled with stereotypes about Indian Women. From our supposed body issues to the fact that prettier women will use, abuse, and even cheat on you, but they're still the ones to marry. Uh huh. And what was that part about women not caring how their partner physically looks. We're not blind or asexual you know.

Us, women, want attractive mates as well. But when it came down to it..most of my female friends had sacrificed partly on looks for a great personality (they're attracted to their husbands, but they downgraded their expectations of trying to find a Brad Pitt or Arjun Rampal). Having a hottie husband would be nice, but I'd rather have someone who is intelligent, fun and nice, than a jerk with a six pack anyday.

It will be interesting to hear both men and women rant on this one.

Men, tell it like it is..is this how you really think???

Bachelor Parties.. Lap Dance or Last Dance?

I had a marathon phone call with one of my chickitas last night. Apparently jealousy is rearing its ugly head in her "golly, gee, ain't it perfect" relationship. She's in a situation where her boyfriend went to the male bonding event, known to all XY creatures, as "The Bachelor Party". I have my definite views on this, but first let me fill y'all in, on what happened to my friend.

They've been having this lovey dovey relationship for a couple yrs now. Noone cheated, no World War 3 fights. Minor stuff and everyone was happy. Weddings have come and gone during that time, but neither of them really knew the brides or grooms. It always was a friend or a friend or some Aunty's kid that was getting hitched.

Now, one of their close friends (correction: one of HIS close friends) just got married. Here's where El Problemo started. He was invited and went to his friends Bachelor party. Seems innocent enough doesn't it?

She was okay with it at first. They have a pretty open, trusting relationship. But after he came home, thats when the onslaught of questions started. He thought since she's never been suspicious or accusing before, she'd be fine with the truth. He told her how everyone drank like a bunch of Frat boys, that later there were strippers and then..he admitted that he had a lap dance. Yes, a lap dance. He wasn't just viewing stripper booty, but interacting with it. Not good.

She flipped out. Not "Honey, you shouldn't have done that" flipping out..but "full on, get the cleaver, I'm gonna getcha getcha" flipping out. Now there relationship is hanging by a thread. They are no longer speaking and she's devastated. She swears that if he didn't go and she actually enforced it, they would still be like white on rice. Uh huh.

This leads me to the question..Should Bachelor Parties be allowed or not, once you're in a Commited Relationship? My opinion..well, I'm really liberal. I would and have allowed past boyfriends to go to Bachelor Parties. I understand, this is a time for guys to hang out, for one last hoorah. And if you do completely trust the man you're with, then you shouldn't be worried all night, wondering what or whom he's doing. Right?

But this, like all relationship issues, is NOT black or white. No matter how much the girl or guy say they trust the other person..there are always limits. Even for myself. I think when situations arise like this, they are truly the test of the relationship's survival. When you're in mushy "I love you, you love me" honeymoon mode, real feelings and what each person believes is acceptable or not, gets washed over. Noone usually talks about "what if" issues, unless something happens. And then its in your face..there's no escaping how you really feel. Emotions get amplified and noone wants to have a rational conversation. What if this or that happened is now reality. And the girl is usually plotting how to kill her boyfriend without getting caught.

To me, if you really love someone and are in a relationship..then that respect level should never be compromised. The little voice inside that makes you feel unsure if you're doing the right thing, should always be listened to. So if you don't know, 100% unequivably, that your girlfriend, Jane Doe, isn't going to be upset at you for having Sandy Stripper dry hump you..Don't do it. Its just that simple.But people just do things without thinking. The brain cells are on strike and it happens over and over again.

I don't think there would be such a problem with Bachelor Parties, if people just communicated. I'm talking about REAL communication. That means learning about each others wants beyond knowing what their favorite color is or if they prefer boxers or briefs. Talking about what the limits are to YOU, for your mans behavior (and vice versa). I'm not condoning what he did. But I think he assumed that since she was girl who never said anything negative about his behavior before, that she would be okay with this. Thats why assumptions are pretty darn lethal..and unless you hear "Its okay with me for you to do ___ or ____" its like walking into quick sand. You don't really know which of your assumptions is going to swallow you up!

Where are the limits of interacting with a female who's not your girlfriend? When does it slip into cheating? To some its a kiss, to others its flirting..and to my friend, her boyfriend cheated on her with that lap dance. Personally, I've always guaged my own behavior by thinking..what would I feel if he did that with another girl. If the answer is no, I don't do it. No matter if he will find out or not. Respect and trust is fragile. When you lose it, you truly will never get it back. Doubt has a weird way of setting up permanent shop in your mind.

People in relationships think they know each other, but when crap happens like this. Everything is blown outta the water. And you feel like the person you're with is a complete stranger. For my friend, those 2 years of feeling like they're on the same page has disappeared. And as for her boyfriend, he feels like he shouldn't have told her. (instead of thinking that he crossed the line).

Bachelor Parties are such a grey territory since there are usually strippers there. Guys in relationships are in a weird situation since is it wrong just to be there? Is it wrong to see another girl naked? Is it wrong to touch that naked girl? I'm sure if we took away the words Bachelor Party from this topic. I'd hear a consensual "Hell yes" to all those questions. Because people in commited relationships shouldn't do those things. But all of a sudden, you throw in a Bachelor Party context and its just Boys being Boys..being in a sexual situation with another woman is now acceptable. I think men validate going since they can easily say "Well, I didn't bring the strippers" or "Its not like I picked up some girl in a club & brought her home". But they dont' realize that to us women, you were sexual and felt sexual with someone who was NOT us. That on its own is why betrayal is felt.

But women on the other hand, we expect a lot from the guy we're with. And part of that is we expect you to be a mind reader. You should know what right and wrong is. We expect you to know that if you do A you will shatter our hearts, which will inevitably lead to B (breakup). We want to be the only ones who will ever turn you on, the only girl who you will look at and think "Thats Hot". We want to be the "Be all, and End all" for you. These expectations aren't completely fair, but its how most of us think. Women understand that men are visual creatures, but we still don't discount that as an excuse.

And as for the male friends who aren't in a relationship (eg this guys single friends at the Bachelor Party)..well, they add their own pressure. No man wants to look whipped to his friends. So if my friends boyfriend had declined the Bachelor Party offer using the "I have a girlfriend and there'll be strippers there" cop out..He wouldn't hear the end of it. No guy wants to lose face in front of his friends.

I get all this, but I also know that we as humans have choices. And if a man chooses to get into a relationship, he should respect it. That means making decisions where he looks at it from his AND her perspective. If you love someone, honor it. (..and that should go both ways)

So people, this is a complicated topic and I don't think its ever going to morph into an easy one. My little post here may have created more questions than answers:) But I do believe no-holds barred, honest communication is the only answer. So if you're reading this and are in a relationship, puuuh lease bring up the topic. At least you won't have lose the relationship on the basis of not communicating. And if you're single, like moi, consider how you would feel in a situation like this..so when you do find a man/woman that you will know where your personal limits are for them and yourself.

{ Bachelor Parties need not be the enemy. Just the strippers:) Why don't guys just go back to a safe activity like playing Scrabble. Noone ever lost a relationship over a boardgame:) Lol. }

The Sleazification Of Bollywood

Do you watch Bollywood movies? Or are you wondering what one is? Either way, if you check out a few, you'll realize the relevance of this post. And maybe you'll be able to relate.

I remember growing up, and watching Hindi movies with my family.Those were the days, when you could actually still watch them with your parents..now, I feel like covering my eyes and wishing I could be absorbed by my couch!

Back then, the genre was very wholesome. The stories were non-risque, soaked in religion and culture and above all..everyone was fully clothed. (I think you'd be lucky if you saw a womans ankles..oh my!). You sat for the required 3 hours and came back with some cheesy moral of the story. Parents loved it and for us kids, sure we groaned at the fact that everyone in the movie always did the "right thing".. and I mean always! But it was our first exposure to the Indian Film world and it did its job of entertaining as well as teaching us.

Well, things have come a long way baby! Now the woman are scantily dressed, dancing around seductively while the camera pans their body (ick!). Yes, they still don't kiss..but I've seen Bollywood movies where they seem to be doing everything but that. I remember one movie that I ended up seeing with my family, where there were so many gratuitous scenes (like all of a sudden, it goes to this long carwash fantasy scene, where this woman has water sprayed on her while the suds are flowing down her body) which had nooooooothing to do with the story..that I was so disgusted I turned it off. I'm a pretty progressive chick, and I'm not saying I can't handle seeing skin..far from it. But my problem is with a film genre that seems to be based in moralistic "holier than thou" values, being filled with contradicting smut. Hypocritical? I think so.

I understand things are changing at a fast rate within our Desi community, and that's great. But really, is THIS modernization? To show woman just as sexual objects? Come on now. Media is a very influential medium. And when we (and the much younger generation) are exposed to seeing women this way, it leads to it just being submerged within our subconcious. It's like if you watch porn..sooner or later, that will influence how you look at women. I don't think Bollywood movies have moved into the porn realm..but they're not far from the limits of soft porn.

The sad thing is that India has become such an international force to be reckoned with, in all things technical and otherwise, that its hard to understand how the film industry hasn't caught up. Bollywood movies are watched all over the world and are produced more every year than any other industry (including Hollywood). Film makers are trying to keep up with this demand as well as modernization, I understand this. But with that massive production, they have a responsibility to not only us, as their audience, but to the world. Is showing a sea of flesh really necessary? If it had something to do with furthering the plot, I get it, but showing skin just to sell their movies (the whole "Sex Sells" ploy)..now thats low.

Its difficult to find a good Indian movie these days, and most times I come out feeling like I wasted my 3 hours watching a boring, played out script with rap video montages (all the desi girls dancing in them are exactly like rap hoochies).

The Yash Raj movies or anything decent are few and far between. Why can't we have more movies like "Black" or even more recently "Parineeta". Actresses shouldn't have to shake their thang to get Bollywood appeal. Besides that, wouldn't it be nice to see some real acting for a change instead of the usual batting her eyes and showcasing her beauty?? (consider the acting of Glenn Close or Jodi Foster versus Ashwairya Rai).

There is definite talent within the Indian acting community, but most of it is wasted in these sleazy films. There should be a higher regard for acting and the images of women being portrayed. Why can't we see women in lead roles,where they are shown as independent and multi-faceted, rather than just being a temptress or a domestic role model.

Sorry to keep ranting, but wouldn't you love to see someone who wasn't a former Miss World, Miss Universe, Miss India or Supermodel acting in these movies (and this goes for the recent male actors too). Sure, its eye candy, but thats about all. Movies shouldn't be just to create some unrealistic fantasy but to allow us to relate and see different characters (looks and all). They should bring in some actors with imperfection and show our society that the tall, fat, short desi women and men can be just as beautiful, or allow these models to strip away the caked on makeup and be "real" for once. Acting should be about developing into a character, not having the character developed on you.


I guess this bothers me, since I believe an Indian Woman is more than "T and A". She is intelligent, cultured, and powerful. She should have more of a purpose than to just "Get the guy, Get married, and Be a good Indian girl". Our movies & media should reflect this.


I truly hope, one day, Bollywood will realize this and create more of the great movies we love. Movies which are famous for touching us and bringing us the emotion of a great story. All without the sleaze.

Is THIS What's Left Out There ??

Ok..guys. The following has not been edited for content or spelling. It is what it is and this guy responded to my online profile. Apparently, he likes swimming, travelling and sex... A LOT!! I am not including any revealing info on him as to protect his online identity...so for all of you out there who are going to get mad because I'm posting info from his profile, don't be. Mr Weirdo will still be safe n' sound somewhere in the Motherland.

This post is not to be malicious to this guy in any way. I was just so horrified and amused (yes, all at the same time) that I HAD to share this with you..Believe me, even Chapelle couldn't do humour like this!!

Mr Weirdo:

Children: 2
Health: Normal
Hobbies : Traveling, Swimming, Sex

His Details:

funloving guy. love to traveling a lot. making friends, LIKE SEX, SWIMMING, I LOVE TO GO OUT STATION FREQUENTLY AND MEET FRIENDS AND ALSO TAKE GRIL FRIENDS WITH ME AND GO TO ABROAD AND ENJOY THE LIFE. I AM A BUSINESS MAN AND HAVING MY BUSINESS OF LAND AND BUILDING CONSTRUCTIONS. MY HOBBY IS SWIMMING, RESTURENT, GO OUT , TRAVELLING A LOT, SEX AND MAKE NEW FRIENDS AND HAVEING FUN WITH THEM.

What she should have:

FUN LOVING GIRL. GIVE ME A GOOD COMPANY, SHE MUST BE COME WITH ME FOR OUT STATION AND ENJOY HER LIFE WITH ME AND HAVING FUN. I WILL GIVE HER EXTRIMELY HEAVEN IF SHE WOULD COME WITH ME. SHE MUST BE GOOD BY NATURE AND SMART AND LOKKING BEAUTIFUL.FUN LOVING GIRL. GIVE ME A GOOD COMPANY, SHE MUST BE COME WITH ME FOR OUT STATION AND ENJOY HER LIFE WITH ME AND HAVING FUN. I WILL GIVE HER EXTRIMELY HEAVEN IF SHE WOULD COME WITH ME. SHE MUST BE GOOD BY NATURE AND SMART AND LOKKING BEAUTIFUL.

Okaaaaaaaaaay, are you done laughing? Probably not. He is from India, and apparently 18 (which is waaaay too young for me anyway) but his picture that came with this lovely profile looks closer to 40 (no joke). And how the hell does he have 2 kids if he WERE 18?? Well, I guess all that "travelling, swimming and sex" must have done the trick!! Hmmm, I wonder if he does all 3 at once? ..Ewww, bad visual..must think of other things!! Lol.

Well, I won't be going to "heaven" with him (or to the "station"..whereever that may be) or anywhere else.

I'm just getting a little perturbed.. where are all the normal guys!?

Clubsumptions

This weekend, I went out with my girls, to a club. I haven't been in a while, and maybe this is why. I am reaching my tolerance level for the "Unwritten" rules that exist in clubs (let's call them "Clubsumptions" i.e the assumptions men & women make for their club behavior). These rules are somehow assumed by both genders as soon as they pay cover and walk into those doors.

For those of you who look as stupified as Homer Simpson (duh!) right now, let me explain:

The Rules at the Club: "Clubsumptions"

Some or all of these rules must be adhered to as soon as you step past the Velvet Rope and into a club. These are rules which are assumed to gaaaaruntee you a hellava night.

Version 1.0 - Assumptions made by the Guys

1. Must come to the club, wearing at least one bottle of cologne. Preferably Drakkar Noir or Old Spice. Something which is bound to attract the ladies or at least knock them out with their overpowering aroma. It is thought by the men that the soaking of their bodies in these colognes will transform them into a Stud Meister and a force to be reckoned with. Remember more is better to smell your best.

2.You will try and look like every other guy. Clothes and all. Try and be as trendy as possible in your striped button down shirts and jeans. Uniqueness is frowned down upon.

3. Wearing dark sunglasses will make the women swoon. Why would they need to look into your glazed over, drunken eyes anyways? Keep the peepers covered. That way they will never be able to look into the "Windows of your Soul" and see your deviant motives.

4. You may behave in any sexually inappropriate way possible. The club is like your own personal playground. And the women are the see-saws and swings..just a waitin to be groped, touched, grabbed in any way you like. Its not like they're strangers or like you would neeeeever do any of this if you weren't in the club, without them slapping you in the face. But as soon as you enter the pearly gates of clubland, you can do as you please. This also includes inappropriate comments about their body. Because women apparently looooove this. They like random, drunk men to make them feel like sexual objects..so Cat Call her to the max!

5. If somehow a woman rejects you, then by all means..try, try and try again. There is no such thing as "No". Really she thinks you're a total babe and when she tells you she'd pepper spray your ass if you attempt to touch her again, what she really means is that she wants you to be persistant. Its not ticking her off..really.

6. The only type of dancing that exists is Grinding or trying to be a pseudo Michael Jackson circa Thriller. Again, this is what impresses the ladies. So shake it like a Polaroid picture.

7. Feel free to makeout with anyone you want. Everyone will enjoy the show and double points for you if you have a girlfriend (because they neeeeever find out anyway)

8. You main goal for coming to a club is not to dance or chill with your friends. This is not the point of the night for you. One night stands are your goal. Relationship..what the hell is that?

9. Deodorant. Huh?

10. Fight anyone that your drunken brain fancies. You are the Muhammad Ali of the club and even if you are more the size of Steve Urkel, it doesn't matter. Because here in the club, you can vent your testosterone as you please. Your fighting skills will make you into a Superstar..or at least a Stupidstar.

Version 2.0 - Assumptions made by the Ladies

1. You must dress to impress. This means wearing as little as possible. If the guys can see more of you then they could possibly ever imagine, then kudos to you!!. When you bend over, if the men can see London, France and your Underpants..100 points.

2. You will act like a hoe and nuttin but a hoe. This means getting up on the speakers /stage and dancing like your day jobs involves stilettos and a pole. Work it baby, work it!

3. You will give every woman you think is prettier than you, the dreaded Evil Eyes. This means staring at her with such intensity and attitude that she will want to melt into a puddle of goo in your presence. Because you don't want them to take your pick of the drunken men, do you?

4. Any nasty man who wants to grind with you, allow them to. Because you're sooo hot and you know everyone wants you. So let you inner hoochie mama run wild.

5.Making out or going home with someone who isn't your boyfriend is perfectly acceptable. STD's?? Oh you mean, Sex Til Dawn..yee haw!

6.Drink until everyone in the club looks likes Brad Pitt or at least until your stomach feels like the pits.

7. You are here to act like a Miss Thang, whether or not you have a chance in hell of actually being one. You rule when you enter the club. And are allowed to push or step on other people's feet while walking around the club premises. Hey, those high heels are really meant to be weapons of mass destruction. Use them at your will and get the man!

8. When using the public washroom. You are welcome to vomit whereever you like. Also, flushing of the toilets is optional. You are there to primp and cake on more makeup to look like the hottie you are.


As you can see, these Clubsumptions aren't the easiest to deal with. I don't know why some people feel they have certain liberties or can act in whatever punk ass way that they want to, when they enter into a club. But sadly, they do. And even more sad, is that, those of us who want to go for reasons not mentioned in the Rules (like to have a good drama-free time!!) have to deal with this.

I just go because I love to dance and hang out with my friends. I'm not looking to find Prince Charming there or any of his palace servants. All I want, is to have a good time without having to deal with groping, grimy men and chicks with attitude up to their yin yang.

If you hear what I'm sayin..holla back y'all.

Milk Chocolate or Dark..Whats Yo Flavor?

I met this Desi guy at a dinner party and he started telling me about his ideal girl. He has this thing for mocha colored girls. He explained that they are much more beautiful then their darker versions and he likes them with light eyes and hair. Hmmm..is he in the closet about who he'd rather be dating or what? Well, talking to him got me thinking about the fixation over skin color in our society.

In East Indian culture, the lighter you are the better. Watch any Bollywood movie, and you'll notice that the main actress is light skinned and the dancers around her are darker and less atrractive. If you're in the desi dating scene and go on any dating sites, putting on your profile that you are "fair" or "very fair" increases your value (though, I've seen some of those pictures where they are apparently "very fair" and they actually look a little Cajun to me! Guess that speaks volumes about what people will say just to be considered attractive) In India, Vico Tumeric Paste has been sold for decades, which is supposed to help make your skin "fairer and lovelier".

Ashwairya Rai has been long touted as being the "most beautiful woman in the world". Are we attracted to her more since she looks so uncharacteristically non-desi? She has green eyes, a small, straight nose, light dyed, straight hair and could easily be mistaken for another ethnicity. I'm not saying she's not beautiful, but I do question if it has something to do with the consensus within our society, that the Western beauty ideal is more attractive. Look at most Indian girls today and a lot of them are wearing colored contacts and light dyed hair. Are we Desi gals going away from our own natural beauty so that we look more North American and acceptable? Again, no diss to any girls out there or to say we shouldn't do it. I myself, have highlighted my hair in the past. Its just something for us to think about.

Personally, I can see how my own skin color has been viewed by our society. I'm fair skinned, and one year I went on a trip and ended up getting very tan (hey, there was beach and what had to be done, HAD to be done!). I came back and was going to go to a wedding. But before I went, some Aunties came over to our house and flippantly told me, that if I want any boy to look at me, I'll have to bleach my skin. Ya, okay..I'm going to just whip out the Jolen Bleach and become Snow White, just so that the men will come a lookin'? Fuggettaboutit! I'm not doing anything I don't believe in. And I didn't. Besides that, any man who's going to judge me based on my skin color is definitely one I'd rather not get to know.

I'm an analytical person, so the more I thought about this topic, the more I wondered..Where did these views actually originate? From my research, I found that the "color bar" for beauty, exists in most non-white cultures. There's usually a hierarchy where the lightest skinned women are thought to have the highest status and be the most beautiful, while the darker colored gals are at the lowest ranks with beauty and apparent value.

The skin color stigma developed from racist ideologies back in the day, where negative traits were given to certain physical characteristics. The darker pigmented people (Africans, Indians etc) were thought to be ignorant, dangerous, savage and primitive. Those ideas flowed from the Western world outwards. And now in 2005, its sad that so many people of our own culture judge each other based on skin color. Our views on whats attractive or not, could be said to be born from racism but so many of us just accept these ingrained ideas on beauty, as what they are, rather than examining them. This is why its so important to question yourself. You always have to ask if what you do or say comes from your own beliefs or someone else's. Otherwise, you're just following the pack..blindly.

As for my own preferences..Truthfully, I've been attracted to guys who are light and dark (hey, chocolate is chocolate no matter what shade!), plus guys of other races are pretty darn hot too.

Maybe this post will get you thinking about your own views on Beauty. Are you more attracted to darker skinned or lighter skinned people? And if so, WHY?

I truly hope that one day, skin color (whatever shade that may be) can be celebrated instead of deplored. Change starts with one and I hope it will start with you.

And in the infamous words of Oil of Olay.."Love The Skin You're In"
(I should get paid for the shameless plug here! lol)

Whats Love Got To Do With It

Love. Its sought after. Cried over. Dreamed and written about. Its the air that we breath and without it we're forever gasping. Ok.What's all this hoopla that I'm writing about? Well, what I'm wondering about Today, is whether love is all that we cracked it up to be. Are we more in love with the image of Love then what love actually is?

Hollywood and the media have long touted the horn of love, making it seem that its something easy. They give us empty promises that we're all going to fall in love and those who haven't are substantially missing.But I really think what they are talking about is more Romance/Lust. Since love has an existence created of more than just hugs and kisses.

To me, Love is caring for a sick friend, wanting to stay with your boy/girlfriend, even on those days when you fight like a bunch of crazies, saying sorry to keep a relationship from dissolving, even when you know you're right. Its compassion and commitment. It's not easy. It's something you grow into over time. And when you've found it, it like a shadow..never leaving your side. It's one of the most overused words in the English language, but seldom understand its magnitude. It's not sending a Valentines Day card because it's the norm, but giving your girlfriend a back massage after a long day of work...without being asked. Its accepting those around you and giving yourself to them..completely and unconditionally.

Thats the kicker there. Unconditionally. How many people do you know who've said they unconditionally love you or someone else, but to disappear when you really need them. Its only when the going gets tough, that you truly realize who actually loves you. Thats why I welcome the rain in my life. Because I would rather share my happiness with someone who has been there for me during my darkest days than people who's love is fleeting.

Unconditional love is rare, but if you are able to find it, consider yourself very blessed. So, for all those people who you love or hope to..think about what the word really means to you before you use it next time. Are you ready for all that it entails? And have the people in your life who've said it to you, fulfilled its responsibilites?

Just something for you to ponder.

Wishing you all love.

Male Friends..Are They A Myth We've Created or Do They Exist?

I've always wondered if anyone has the answers to the age old question about women and men being friends..and only friends. I've always found it easy to hang with my guy friends and sometimes its easier to talk with them then with women (no disrespect to my womenfolk..I love you all still!).

Lets face it..men are so much more uncomplicated. Ok, I take that back..They appear to be more uncomplicated (you guys are verrrry sneaky!). If you watch any two typical guys ,who are friends, you will notice they would rather skim through the issues of Women, Sports etc all while watching Sports Center. (and drinking beer!)

Unlike us, you rarely hear them having a "whine and cheese" session about why we never called or analyzing every little ity bitty detail on whether we like them or not. I'm sure the metrosexual, openly sensitive men of 2005, do talk to their close friends about these issues, but its not something they sit on the phone and spend 3 and 1/2 gabbing about.

A typical conversation would be :

Guy 1 - "Dude, this girl I like is giving me mixed signals"
Guy 2 - "Dump her"

Or, as my guy friends say, the other most popular answer for problems de jour..is "Sleep with her". But usually, answer #2 must proceed answer #1, just in case you miss a chance for Booty.

Finito..simple answers and everything is wrapped up in a neat, clean 30 minute sitcom. They can then get back to business of which PS2 game rocks.Meanwhile, you and I are sitting on the phone for what seems like world record times, having a massive Dr Phil session on why men do the things they do.

No simplicity..just a huge complicated analysis (which rarely provides us with the answers). Sometimes I get more confused after its all said and done.

That is why I sometimes prefer talking to men. Not for all of their answers (which face it guys, are sometimes too simple and too testosterone driven), but for the fact that they don't obsess about things like we do. You can chill with a guy and talk about everything and anything..and that includes NOT having to discuss why or why not his or your love life isn't going anywhere. If you don't want to delve too deep into your personal life..no problem. No questions asked unless you're the one to talk about it first.

With chicks, if you know one of your galpals is having trouble with her Bf..if you DON'T ask, it's like you don't care (and as soon as you do, Dr Phil's session comes a ringin). Ya, we're sensitive like that. Men seem to be just more easily able to talk about life and enjoying it then we are.

Ok..so thats why I like talking to you XY Chromosome People. Talking to you guys can be very simple and stress free. Also, its nice to have a male perspective on things.

But on the topic if Men and Women can STAY friends..hmmm, the verdict is still out on that one. Yes, I have a select few male friends with whom nothing has crossed the friendship line. They haven't asked me out, I haven't returned the favor. No admission of liking on both parts. (Though I have heard rumours that they did like me at some point in our friendship. hmmm) But then there's the majority of my guy friends that I've known throughout the years..whom, though I love chatting to, have sooner or later dropped the "I like you, do you like me?" bomb. Thats when things get messy and if you're not into Mr Guy Friend, then you're bound to cause hurt feelings (cuz WHO really can answer the "Do you like me back" question tactfully?). Your relationship is forever changed and you're down one guy friend.

Sometimes, even if you aren't openly attracted to each other in the beginning. After spending time, platonically chilling together, you realize.."Hey, this guys personality rocks". Sure he bares a striking resemblance to Pee Wee Herman. Sure, you know all his annoying little habits. Sure his hair resembles Mr Clean. But the personality is the catcher! I've had guy friends who I usually wouldn't be attracted to, becoming more attractive. For me, an awesome personality is much more attractive then a pretty face. (though I'm not discounting the supermodel men..If any of you hotties are reading this..please puh lease apply!) After time, it's almost like you start looking at them differently..they start morphing from a Putz to a Stud...presto!

So basically you're doomed either way. I'm not saying that if both parties DO like each other, that it couldn't be a fabulous thing (b/c I've been there on that), but once you cross the friend line you really can't go back. Emotions are a very messy thing and once you've kissed someone they will never just be your friend (even if he kissed like a drunken jellyfish and you were traumatized by the event).

A lot of guys I've talked to on this very topic, have openly, flat out told me "There is no such thing as having a girl as a just a friend. We don't really want to waste our time, and if we're "friends" with her, we are looking for more". I've even talked to one guy who said thats his fail proof dating tactic, is to lure women in with the friend pretense so that he can appear all sensitive and date-worthy, and then he drops the "like you" bomb. He says no women can resist a guy who they trust and have gotten to know, and that playing the friend card only works to cancel out his bad points. (This smuck was talking about it like he was teaching a course!)

I guess I can sometimes be very naive about if you guys just want to be friends or not. Sometimes the supposed signals are so subtle that I can't tell if you're winking at me or have something stuck in your contact lense. Do you like me? Am I just reading into things? What are your intentions? (haha, I sound like someone's Dad on that last one!)

What it comes down to People, is Can we Girls, just be platonic with you Guys? In a way, where noone is looking for anything and the only motivation is enjoy each others company. Or are Male Friends just a wishful myth we've created?

Holla back at me and let me know what you think.. It'll be interesting to hear both male and female opinions on this...so don't be shy.